


so it feels like this

by chuuyuh



Series: natsume being happy :) [1]
Category: Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends
Genre: Confession, First Kiss, Fluff, Gen, NaNoWriMo, bc this anime deserves more fics, hnnngghhhh I love these dorks, natsume x tanuma, pure tooth-rotting fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-08
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2019-01-31 02:59:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12666882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chuuyuh/pseuds/chuuyuh
Summary: Because Natsume doesn’t quite understand his own emotions yet, and neither does Tanuma.





	so it feels like this

  
  
For Natsume, the evening had been fine so far, as it would always be with Tanuma around. Although they did not do much, it still comforts him that there is someone he can tell his long-hidden secrets to. At that, he grins to himself while skimming through a random manga he found.

He had taken to a routine where whenever Tanuma’s dad was away from work, Natsume would stay over and accompany him. Sometimes it was only for a day, sometimes almost a week. The Fujiwaras didn’t mind, and instead seemed to be happy for Natsume to have found such a close friend.

Tanuma had headed off to shower a while ago after Natsume finished showering, so he was alone for now. A sudden pang of thirst beckons him to go to the kitchen, and Natsume does, hoping that maybe there would be some ice-cold water.

The boy takes his time to drink the water, feeling grateful for the cool liquid that seems to be his saviour from the hot weather. He stares into space, glass still in hand.

For the past few weeks, Natsume feels like he’s acting slightly...differently around his friend, like somehow noticing the little details that he hadn’t beforehand. For one, he found himself completely mesmerised by the way Tanuma’s fingers moved, be it while he was telling him something excitedly, or while he was simply drumming his fingers mindlessly on the table. Natsume would almost always end up staring without realising it, until Tanuma waved at him and snapping him out of the trance.

Also, Natsume has come to notice that Tanuma had tiny little freckles on the bridge of his nose. They’re only visible if one looks closely, which explains why he hasn’t noticed them before. Natsume grins to himself, thinking about how cute they look on him.

Finally, he makes his way back to the living room, only to discover a sight that he probably wouldn’t forget for the next few weeks.

“Ah, Natsume.” Tanuma greets. “I’m done.”

“Okay...” The blond unknowingly diverts his eyes towards the tatami, feeling the heat rise on his face yet again. Thankfully he made Nyanko-sensei go home earlier, or he would have been the laughing stock of all the youkai he knew for the next month.

Perhaps it’s due to the fact that they were the only ones in the house and there weren’t any girls around, or whatever, but Tanuma isn’t wearing a shirt. Instead, a bath towel is tied tightly around his lean waist, and Natsume can’t help but peek slightly at the exposed torso in front of him.

“Natsume? What’s wrong?” Tanuma enquires cautiously. Usually he is quite perceptive of how Natsume feels, and today is no different. The blond can only pray that the blush on his cheeks is invisible to him.

“Um, nothing. I just...saw a bug on the ground.” Natsume lies hastily. In _no_ way is he letting Tanuma know what’s going on in his mind right now.

To his surprise, Tanuma chuckles. “You see youkai almost every day, and you still get freaked out by a tiny bug?”

“Hey! You would have freaked out too if a bug just suddenly appeared in front of you.” Natsume protests, but secretly he’s relieved. Both of them laugh heartily, and the blond feels himself relaxing again.

“Okay, okay. What do you want to do now? It’s still early.” Tanuma asks.

“Before anything else,” Natsume says, pointing at him. “Put on your clothes before you get a cold.”

“A cold, in this weather?” Tanuma laughs. “I’d be much more likely to soak through my shirt with sweat than catch a cold, Natsume.”

“But still.”

“Yes, yes,” Tanuma pauses slightly, then winks as he says, “Master.”

Natsume feels his breath hitch slightly, and his heart skips a beat. Fortunately, Tanuma leaves to find clothes to wear, and he doesn’t notice his expression. He sits at the table and continues to skim through the manga that he left there.

When Tanuma comes back, Natsume almost doesn’t notice it until he settles beside the blond. Is it just him, or is he sitting particularly...close? The blond doesn’t protest, though, and smiles at the other boy instead.

He notices how the sunset seems to shower all of its glory onto Tanuma: the way his dark eyes glitter from his point of view, raven hair dusted lightly with soft sunlight and how soft they look. Oh, if only he can run his hands through his hair and find out whether or not it really is as soft as it looked—

“Natsume?” Tanuma turns to him. “Is there something on my face?”

“No, uh, sorry,” Natsume turns back to the manga, fingers gripping tightly on the book as he wills his cheeks to magically lose blood flow and stop blushing.

Tanuma shrugs, and turns back to whatever he’s doing. Natsume sighs internally, wanting to face palm himself; he _definitely_ needs to mind how long he looked at Tanuma, at least.

And yet he can’t help it—he blames the good lighting on his—his eyes moving back yet again to the raven-haired boy, marveling at how close he is such that Natsume could see every little detail. In fact, at this moment, Tanuma looked like...

An angel.

“Beautiful...” Natsume whispers, before he could realise what he just said out loud.

“Huh?” Tanuma turns around yet again, and that’s when Natsume realises that he had said his thoughts out loud, and quickly covers his mouth. Said boy smiles, and the blond’s heart skips a beat when he looks at it.

“Actually, never mind. I heard that.”

_Crap_

_Crap crap crap_

Now what?

”Yes, this sunset is very beautiful, Natsume.”

 _Phew_.

“Ah—right, yes. Yes, Tanuma.”

Tanuma then takes a deep breath—for what, Natsume doesn’t know—and says, “This is kind of weird, but when I first met you last year, I thought you kind of reminded me of a sunset.”

“R-really?” Natsume stutters.

“Yeah. You seemed kind of soft and warm at first sight, like how the sunlight of dusk feels like on your skin, you know? But you also felt kind of...lonely.”

Here, Tanuma pauses.

“Even though you had friends around you, I could see that the smile was simply a defense against reality, and a reassurance for your friends. Like the slight sadness you get when the sun goes down and night replaces day.”

Natsume is surprised, not only at the fact that Tanuma managed to figure out who he was on their first meeting, but the fact that he didn’t leave him.

“I felt that I had to do something. To make you smile _for real_ , and to make you not feel lonely anymore.” Tanuma smiles sheepishly. “Childish, eh?”

“No, thank you, Tanuma.” Natsume says. “For being my friend.”

“Not just me, but also the others too.” Tanuma replies. “I think we all did make you feel less like that.”

Yes, he’s right.

But Natsume looks into his eyes, and he can tell that he has more to say, but is unsure of whether or not he should say it.

“Actually, other than that...” Tanuma says. “I feel like I’ve been seeing you as...more than a friend.”

_Me too, Tanuma. Me too._

“This is kind of weird, but ever since the Omibashira incident, I’ve been feeling differently whenever I saw you. Somehow, I can’t bring myself to look at you straight in the eye. If I did, my heart would just start racing and I can’t speak properly.”

Natsume’s eyes widen, then looks down. So he isn’t the only one after all.

“I don’t really get it, but I don’t think you’d feel that way around a friend.” Tanuma confesses.

“No, you don’t.” Natsume mumbles, finally coming to terms with why he’s been feeling this way for a while. Maybe, just maybe...

...He’s in love?

Natsume dares a smile at Tanuma, trying to hide his frantic heart right now. “It’s not weird, though.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve been feeling the same since that incident too, to be honest.” Natsume says. “And I don’t really get it either, but I think this is what people call...”

Natsume can’t bring himself to say it, and he bites down on his bottom lip, too nervous to open his mouth again.

“Call what?”

“ ‘being in...love’.”

He buries his face in his hands, unable to look at Tanuma after what he just said. It _is_ quite embarrassing for someone like Natsume after all, especially since he had never been in love before this, and neither had he known much about love.

But he knows that this is what he wants, and is partially relieved for having said it out loud now.

Natsume finally looks up again, seeing realisation dawn upon Tanuma, and a similar blush starts creeping up the other boy’s cheeks as well.

“That means...I love you, and you love me back?”

“Yes.”

Suddenly, Tanuma envelops him in a tight hug and burying his head in Natsume’s shoulders. He can feel his laughs as vibrations on his skin, and he gradually leans into the embrace.

“I’m so happy,” Tanuma says when he sits back up. “I feel like I could cry tears of joy.”

Natsume leans forward, puts their foreheads together such that he is looking directly into Tanuma’s eyes. He smiles reassuringly, and the other boy smiles back.

“Can I kiss you?” Natsume asks, before he could process it properly. Quickly, he adds, “I mean, it’s what couples do, I think, but if you don’t want to it’s—“

Catching him by surprise, Tanuma leans in and closes the gap between them. His lips are soft against Natsume’s own, and his leans into the kiss, enjoying every bit of it. One of his hands ends up cupping the nape of Tanuma’s neck, and the other runs a hand through his hair; yes, they are indeed as soft as they looked.

It lasts no longer than a minute, however, and they break apart to breathe. Tanuma’s eyes are still locked on Natsume’s own, but right now all he feels is pure bliss.

“I love you, Natsume,” Tanuma breathes, placing a chaste kiss on the corner of his lips.

“I love you too, Tanuma.”

 

That night, Natsume had the most peaceful sleep in a while, the warmth of Tanuma’s body right next to him comforting him even in his sleep. 

**Author's Note:**

> okay yeah I intended for this to be a smutty fic but you know, how can I bear to taint these two innocent dorks?:D and so, this happened instead. 
> 
> Leave a kudos/comment if you liked it^^ do drop by my tumblr @kaimnari too:)


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